Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize