Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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