so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
