She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
