Where did you get a picture of my penis
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
