Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
