remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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