I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
