Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
