there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
