Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
