I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
