i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
