She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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