after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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