just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
