cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
