Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize