Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
