Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
