do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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