every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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