i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
