yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i would punch a child for taco bell
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
