he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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