Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
