I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I want a musical about memes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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