so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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