I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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