I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
