please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
