Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
