happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
