brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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