sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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