dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
