break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
