I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
