at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We just shotgunned beers for America
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
