im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
