hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
