I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
