Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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