You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
