So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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