While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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