you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
