chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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