He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
