while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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