So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
