I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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