You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize