its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
