Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
