no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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