I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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