please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
