I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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