New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
