just come out here and I will go home with you...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
