??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
