Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
