i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
