I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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