Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
