I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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