NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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