Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
pray to the hookup gods
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
