i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In America we eat man semen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
