he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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