cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
