No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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