i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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