i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
