why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize