Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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